The ache

There is an ache that comes with motherhood, sometimes it's big and sometimes barely a whisper. But it's there. The ache is from loving so hard, and trying not to make a mess of something so perfect. It comes deeper on the days I don't meet my own expectations or trip myself up trying to balance a magical childhood with rules and messes and mundane tasks. It comes when you realize a piece of you is out in the world and while you instill everything vital you believe in, ultimately you can't control the outcome. And that's what makes it so hard, this parenting thing.

These little humans with lives of their own, are tied so closely to our hearts that it's impossible to know where they begin and we end. Their victories are our victories, their sorrows are our sorrows. So when something happens, like a non-cancerous, but just as scary-type of tumor finds it's way into your son's brain, which is what happened to my friend Trinity and her oldest son Urijah, there are no words to ease the ache. When that tumor forces him to undergo many surgeries, and many treatments, when it impacts his pituitary gland, and makes him a different boy than the one you remember, you continue on, despite the ache, face to the sky, heart still beating. Even though you are tired deep in your bones and heartbroken, you keep putting one foot in front of the other and see the good, the love, the worth.

Bravery seems to only come when there is no other option. And mommas who are forced to walk a difficult path are the bravest. Like Trin. Strong and graceful. Because in the midst of heartache she's also found her true love. She pushes through the ache and chooses to smile and laugh with her kids and her man even when life doesn't seem fair. And that to me is a life well lived. xo

 

tompkins-10010.jpg
Urijah made a point of telling me how fast he could run, so I took it as a chance to practice some double exposures. I told him he was like lightning- he corrected me and said he was actually a bull (hahahahah, best response ever)

Urijah made a point of telling me how fast he could run, so I took it as a chance to practice some double exposures. I told him he was like lightning- he corrected me and said he was actually a bull (hahahahah, best response ever)