because I am not a goddess...

February 10, 2010

via

"Life has to be discovered from moment to moment, from day to day. It has to be discovered. It cannot be taken for granted. If you take it for granted that you know life, than you are not living. Three meals a day, clothing, shelter, sex, your job, your amusements and your thinking process-- that dull repetitive process is not life. Life is something to be discovered. And you cannot discover it if you have not lost, if you have not put aside what you have found. Put aside your philosophies, religions, racial taboos, customs, and all the rest of it. For they are not life." "A man who says he knows is already dead. But the man who says "I don't know" who is discovering, finding out, who is not seeking an end, not thinking in terms of arriving or becoming-- such a man is living, and that living is truth."

words by Krishnamurti-- whether he knew about life, the heart, the mind, the spirit, well now that's opinion. Regardless, in my opinion, these words are beautiful. And I hope you enjoy them the way I do. They make me feel not quite so weird when I sit, holding my breath, thinking about what I would be if I were a goddess. Not so alone in my searching I suppose. Discovering is a much nicer picture than someone holding her breath thinking about Life. Much nicer indeed.

Clark Gable line from Postal Service via days and hours

image by Rebecca Siewert Photography

WELCOME! I am Katie, a photographer, momma and wife based in Kelowna BC. My love of photography stems from a desire to tell my clients’ stories in a real, honest way. My blog space stems from a love of many things, the good, the bad, the beautiful. I believe life is an adventure and hope you’ll enjoy my thoughts along the way.

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I feel like this is the year I'll remember as the time she grew out of her littleness and hadn't quite found her new skin in a bigger world. Her body is all gangly legs and arms, her mind is finding her STRONG opinions and her heart is finding her voice. I remember grade 3. I remember how unkind we could all be to each other. I remember those first pangs of loneliness that come from realizing your own humanness. I also remember holding on to the magic of the world and still finding joy in riding bikes all day and tasting freedom when I was swinging in a tree. She is making her way through it all. I see her taking in the world and formulating her own ideas. It's equal parts awe inspiring and terrifying. She's like trying to contain a wild creature but knowing she's not mine to keep.

The essence of childhood in one image 😂 working with kids always and forever brings me back to living in the moment and the magic of letting life unfold as it does. I think the images of childhood that are less structured and more quirky will always be cherished in the future. The hardest part of my job is not wrangling kids or convincing them to laugh at my jokes, the hardest part is to convince the PARENTS to let go and join their kids in the moment. Kids know what's up. They know how to find real joy and wonder. We just have to relearn how to get on their wavelength. PS- Calgary I'm coming to you the weekend of July 25th! Email or message me for more details.

They don't really tell you that creativity isn't a one size fits all kind of deal. It's a personal journey of discovery. It's getting down in the mess and being willing to make mistakes. It's showing up anyway and letting it unfold. It's a process and there's no end game. So inspiring to watch @larissastavrou flow with her creativity.

Lead me into the wild and I will follow. Down every path, no matter how winding. You lead the way and I'll carry all the sticks. I'm with you kid.

Here is what I know for sure- we don't change if we aren't willing to change. I often feel overwhelmed at the state of affairs in the world. The idea of a plastic island floating out in the ocean makes me want to launch into outer space and find a star to live on. But change is possible. I genuinely believe that. I genuinely believe there is more good than not in this world. And if there is one thing I know for sure, it's that change only comes about when we are willing to do the work. We owe our kids a future that is bright. So we decided to jump on board with the #PlasticSwearJar initiative by @changingtidesfoundation Happy earth day friends. Sending love out across the oceans to everyone of you. 💕🌍

I wish we could all give ourselves a little more permission to be in the in-between space of maybe not knowing what the next step is. That's where I'm at friends. We're so conditioned to have it figured out that we've lost touch with that delicious and juicy space of not really knowing. It's scary and exhilarating and a little discombobulating. But that's what makes life exciting.

The gift of jet lag is that in between area where you aren't really here and you aren't really there. Which is maybe how I feel in the water and is maybe why I miss her.

You know that feeling when the end of summer is close? The end of the chapter you love from your favourite book is coming to end? That's how I feel. I know the end is near but you keep soaking in every last drop. This little place did something to me. Cracked me open a little more. Brought a wildness back I didn't realize was lost. So grateful for adventures that scrub the soul and make it shine.

Everyone keeps giggling when I tell them I want to be a mermaid but Ariel became a human right? What if the things we think are impossible were possible? And also how do mermaids keep their hair so luscious, because my salty hair is looking a little tangled.

Chasing waves south in the the final days of Sri Lanka

Expand, contract. Expand, contract. This is watching your heart walk around outside your body taking in the world at a rapid rate. This trip has tested her and softened her and helped her harness her own ideas and self. It's what I wanted most for her on this trip.

🌴

I know I've posted this before but it's my favourite forever and ever. To strong women everywhere- may we be them, may we know them, may we raise them (and may we raise men who honour them too)

These old fishing boats, with peeling paint and weathered hulls, and the men who sit in them day after day, with their weathered skin and their leathery hands. I like to watch them every morning. Setting the nets. And then later in the afternoon a group of them haul in the catch. I like to watch them out there, me sitting on my surf board and them watching us.

One of my fave anecdotes is this- "an acorn can only become a tree when it gives up the idea of being an acorn." Things that makes you go hmmmmmmmm... The thing is its sometimes a painful process to let go. It's definitely uncomfortable. Being in a state of possibility (the acorn) is way more enjoyable than the actual growth projection to being a tree. What if we're not good at being a tree? What if everyone laughs at my treeness? What if I do it wrong? What if what if what if... And then what if I don't grow into this possibility? And that's when the letting go process starts. When the idea of staying small is more painful than the idea of the unknown. Be good to yourselves today my friends. Whether you're acorns or trees or somewhere in between.

Making our way back to the surf break via the train in the high mountains.

Look at us, we're so happy. We're on a beach with white sand. We love each other. You would never know that a kid had sharted, (so many bananas) a kid had been screaming about something that did not merit screaming, a bus had tried to kill us on our scooters, our accommodation licked balls until we found somewhere new and I threatened to send everyone back on a plane if they didn't pull it together (no one listened to my threat 😂) The power of a photo is that it speaks 1000 words. But the caveat is that those words are still just a snippet of the story. We DO love each other and we DO have fun, we also get super annoyed of each other at times. And that's life, on the road or otherwise. So don't assume that what you see the whole picture. Social media is tricky like that. We all fall victim to forgetting this a medium of curated storytelling. PS- I literally never ever thought I would post a photo of myself in a bikini on the Internet. So that's a first friends.

I used to think I would wander forever. When I finished high school all I wanted was freedom. Everyone I knew was applying to university and making plans and I just wanted to go. It didn't really matter where I landed I just wanted to see it all. And even when I "settled down" and married super young, I didn't think I would grow short roots. Wandering had seeped into the marrow of my bones and nothing anyone said could change my mind about it. But when elodie was born I was like "lady you have got to get your sh/t together" and so I bunked down for a bit. And you know what? I got lost. Like a bird with clipped wings. I thought I would never feel that wildness in my soul again. And it was my own doing. I tried to be the kind of mom and wife that seems put together and under control. I went to friggin baby circle things where everyone sits in a circle and sings to their babies and I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. So I did both. Trying to be someone I wasn't made me feel like an alien in my own skin. So I stopped. Kind of. 8 years later I am still making this a practice and noticing all the little/big things I do that maybe I don't need to anymore. Like being ok with not having LIFE figured out. Or having a "plan"- seriously you people who make elaborate plans for your life are so inspiring but I have realized I'm not that girl. If there is one thing I know for certain it's this- life is always followed by death which is always followed by life again. (I read that in Women who Run with Wolves- thank you @demarchienergy )and sometimes things have to fall away to make space for new life. What we were yesterday might not fit today and what tomorrow brings might be different than our ideas from today. It's our responsibility to let the things that no longer fit go to make space for the new life tomorrow brings. Be good to yourselves my friends. Let yourselves wander and get lost to help yourself get found.

We are actually pretty lazy tourists. We forgo the sites for the chance to putter around a town for a bit and chat with the locals. Sometimes I feel guilty not going to the "must see spots" but then if I'm totally honest with myself I realize that's not my thing. I like when we settle in somewhere and we find "our fruit stand" "our coffee shop" "our surf shop". I like getting to know the people you see everyday and asking them questions and trying to learn different words in the local dialect. That's my kind of travelling. This was "our fruit guy" in hikkaduwa. He always had a mini banana for the kids and a big smile for us every morning.

Feeling inspired and refuelled by the exploring and adventures so far. To b totally honest I was burned out. It was a busy summer. Weddings, a big move, some sad news, some bad news and general daily motion of parenting and lifing. Taking a timeout had been whispering to me for a while and then suddenly we had an opportunity. Rent our house, get out of dodge. Away. Away from everything to get a clearer on what really matters. I am very aware of how fortunate we are to be doing this with our kids. And hope wherever the adventures lead we can meet it with open hearts.