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ill-2.gif

because I am not a goddess...

February 10, 2010

via

the publics

"Life has to be discovered from moment to moment, from day to day. It has to be discovered. It cannot be taken for granted. If you take it for granted that you know life, than you are not living. Three meals a day, clothing, shelter, sex, your job, your amusements and your thinking process-- that dull repetitive process is not life.  Life is something to be discovered. And you cannot discover it if you have not lost, if you have not put aside what you have found. Put aside your philosophies, religions, racial taboos, customs, and all the rest of it. For they are not life." "A man who says he knows is already dead. But the man who says "I don't know" who is discovering, finding out, who is not seeking an end, not thinking in terms of arriving or becoming-- such a man is living, and that living is truth."

words by Krishnamurti-- whether he knew about life, the heart, the mind, the spirit, well now that's opinion. Regardless, in my opinion, these words are beautiful. And I hope you enjoy them the way I do. They make me feel not quite so weird when I sit, holding my breath, thinking about what I would be if I were a goddess. Not so alone in my searching I suppose. Discovering is a much nicer picture than someone holding her breath thinking about Life. Much nicer indeed. 

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Clark Gable line from Postal Service via days and hours

In Life
← Grace.If I was a goddess this is what I would be... →
image by  Rebecca Siewert Photography    WELCOME! I am Katie, a photographer, momma and wife based in Kelowna BC. My love of photography stems from a desire to tell my clients’ stories in a real, honest way. My blog space stems from a love of many things, the good, the bad, the beautiful. I believe life is an adventure and hope you’ll enjoy my thoughts along the way. 

image by Rebecca Siewert Photography

WELCOME! I am Katie, a photographer, momma and wife based in Kelowna BC. My love of photography stems from a desire to tell my clients’ stories in a real, honest way. My blog space stems from a love of many things, the good, the bad, the beautiful. I believe life is an adventure and hope you’ll enjoy my thoughts along the way. 

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I used to think I would wander forever. When I finished high school all I wanted was freedom. Everyone I knew was applying to university and making plans and I just wanted to go. It didn't really matter where I landed I just wanted to see it all. And even when I "settled down" and married super young, I didn't think I would grow short roots. Wandering had seeped into the marrow of my bones and nothing anyone said could change my mind about it. But when elodie was born I was like "lady you have got to get your sh/t together" and so I bunked down for a bit. And you know what? I got lost. Like a bird with clipped wings. I thought I would never feel that wildness in my soul again. And it was my own doing. I tried to be the kind of mom and wife that seems put together and under control. I went to friggin baby circle things where everyone sits in a circle and sings to their babies and I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. So I did both. Trying to be someone I wasn't made me feel like an alien in my own skin. So I stopped. Kind of. 8 years later I am still making this a practice and noticing all the little/big things I do that maybe I don't need to anymore. Like being ok with not having LIFE figured out. Or having a "plan"- seriously you people who make elaborate plans for your life are so inspiring but I have realized I'm not that girl. If there is one thing I know for certain it's this- life is always followed by death which is always followed by life again. (I read that in Women who Run with Wolves- thank you @demarchienergy )and sometimes things have to fall away to make space for new life. What we were yesterday might not fit today and what tomorrow brings might be different than our ideas from today. It's our responsibility to let the things that no longer fit go to make space for the new life tomorrow brings. Be good to yourselves my friends. Let yourselves wander and get lost to help yourself get found.
I used to think I would wander forever. When I finished high school all I wanted was freedom. Everyone I knew was applying to university and making plans and I just wanted to go. It didn't really matter where I landed I just wanted to see it all. And even when I "settled down" and married super young, I didn't think I would grow short roots. Wandering had seeped into the marrow of my bones and nothing anyone said could change my mind about it. But when elodie was born I was like "lady you have got to get your sh/t together" and so I bunked down for a bit. And you know what? I got lost. Like a bird with clipped wings. I thought I would never feel that wildness in my soul again. And it was my own doing. I tried to be the kind of mom and wife that seems put together and under control. I went to friggin baby circle things where everyone sits in a circle and sings to their babies and I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. So I did both. Trying to be someone I wasn't made me feel like an alien in my own skin. So I stopped. Kind of. 8 years later I am still making this a practice and noticing all the little/big things I do that maybe I don't need to anymore. Like being ok with not having LIFE figured out. Or having a "plan"- seriously you people who make elaborate plans for your life are so inspiring but I have realized I'm not that girl. If there is one thing I know for certain it's this- life is always followed by death which is always followed by life again. (I read that in Women who Run with Wolves- thank you @demarchienergy )and sometimes things have to fall away to make space for new life. What we were yesterday might not fit today and what tomorrow brings might be different than our ideas from today. It's our responsibility to let the things that no longer fit go to make space for the new life tomorrow brings. Be good to yourselves my friends. Let yourselves wander and get lost to help yourself get found.
We are actually pretty lazy tourists. We forgo the sites for the chance to putter around a town for a bit and chat with the locals. Sometimes I feel guilty not going to the "must see spots" but then if I'm totally honest with myself I realize that's not my thing. I like when we settle in somewhere and we find "our fruit stand" "our coffee shop" "our surf shop". I like getting to know the people you see everyday and asking them questions and trying to learn different words in the local dialect. That's my kind of travelling. This was "our fruit guy" in hikkaduwa. He always had a mini banana for the kids and a big smile for us every morning.
We are actually pretty lazy tourists. We forgo the sites for the chance to putter around a town for a bit and chat with the locals. Sometimes I feel guilty not going to the "must see spots" but then if I'm totally honest with myself I realize that's not my thing. I like when we settle in somewhere and we find "our fruit stand" "our coffee shop" "our surf shop". I like getting to know the people you see everyday and asking them questions and trying to learn different words in the local dialect. That's my kind of travelling. This was "our fruit guy" in hikkaduwa. He always had a mini banana for the kids and a big smile for us every morning.
Feeling inspired and refuelled by the exploring and adventures so far. To b totally honest I was burned out. It was a busy summer. Weddings, a big move, some sad news, some bad news and general daily motion of parenting and lifing. Taking a timeout had been whispering to me for a while and then suddenly we had an opportunity. Rent our house, get out of dodge. Away. Away from everything to get a clearer on what really matters. I am very aware of how fortunate we are to be doing this with our kids. And hope wherever the adventures lead we can meet it with open hearts.
Feeling inspired and refuelled by the exploring and adventures so far. To b totally honest I was burned out. It was a busy summer. Weddings, a big move, some sad news, some bad news and general daily motion of parenting and lifing. Taking a timeout had been whispering to me for a while and then suddenly we had an opportunity. Rent our house, get out of dodge. Away. Away from everything to get a clearer on what really matters. I am very aware of how fortunate we are to be doing this with our kids. And hope wherever the adventures lead we can meet it with open hearts.
If they weren't wild before, they're definitely wild now. Which is the only thing I wanted on this trip. And also smith insists this is what a ninja looks like, which was his only goal for this trip.
If they weren't wild before, they're definitely wild now. Which is the only thing I wanted on this trip. And also smith insists this is what a ninja looks like, which was his only goal for this trip.
Little swell but still so fun.
Little swell but still so fun.
In praise of slowness ~ a sweet reminder from my favourite Italian @not_julio_  How easy in theory and tricky in practice.
In praise of slowness ~ a sweet reminder from my favourite Italian @not_julio_ How easy in theory and tricky in practice.
We walk a lot.
We walk a lot.
If you could bottle this up and take it with you, do you think it would be the same? I doubt it would.
If you could bottle this up and take it with you, do you think it would be the same? I doubt it would.
But why? Why take your kids to the other side of the world? Because travelling has been in my blood since I left home at 17 and I want to stoke the fire in them as well. And I want them to be global citizens and not live in a bubble. And this was the solution for us. To introduce them to different cultures and make them curious. To ask questions. To meet new people. But mostly the speed of life has been so fast moving lately and I wanted SLOW. Slow slow.
But why? Why take your kids to the other side of the world? Because travelling has been in my blood since I left home at 17 and I want to stoke the fire in them as well. And I want them to be global citizens and not live in a bubble. And this was the solution for us. To introduce them to different cultures and make them curious. To ask questions. To meet new people. But mostly the speed of life has been so fast moving lately and I wanted SLOW. Slow slow.
I have a thing for paths. They are like a mysterious magical real world form of mad libs. If I follow this one where will it lead me? What intersections will I come to and what other paths will zigzag with it? Something about wandering far and wide makes me realize we're all headed somewhere and looking for something.
I have a thing for paths. They are like a mysterious magical real world form of mad libs. If I follow this one where will it lead me? What intersections will I come to and what other paths will zigzag with it? Something about wandering far and wide makes me realize we're all headed somewhere and looking for something.
Slow. We made it to this spot and are starting to catch our breath. It took us 4 days. 30+ hours in transit. When we arrived no one had any idea what day time or country we were in. Smith asked if we were on a different planet. The kids fell asleep at the weirdest times- while standing in line for security, while mid chew at dinner. Finally that high alert anxiety feeling of being in a new country and trying to convert currency and understand what people are saying and not let your kids get squished by insane traffic, is starting to slide away and we're wrapping our heads around being in Sri Lanka for the next two months.
Slow. We made it to this spot and are starting to catch our breath. It took us 4 days. 30+ hours in transit. When we arrived no one had any idea what day time or country we were in. Smith asked if we were on a different planet. The kids fell asleep at the weirdest times- while standing in line for security, while mid chew at dinner. Finally that high alert anxiety feeling of being in a new country and trying to convert currency and understand what people are saying and not let your kids get squished by insane traffic, is starting to slide away and we're wrapping our heads around being in Sri Lanka for the next two months.
. He's at that delicious age where nothing really has to make sense to make sense. Sometimes the world must seem so infinitely big when you are so so small.
. He's at that delicious age where nothing really has to make sense to make sense. Sometimes the world must seem so infinitely big when you are so so small.
May we all find our way back to the places in ourselves that are wild. Let there be stardust in our hair and fire in our eyes while we hack our way through overgrown trails in our hearts. And when our patience is tested and the answers aren't coming, let us have courage to surrender and be vulnerable. To ask for help. To lean on our people when we need to be reminded where we're headed. To rest when we are weary. Then rise up again when we are willing to move forward. And when the brambles finally clear, May we dance in the moon light while the ocean laps at our feet.
May we all find our way back to the places in ourselves that are wild. Let there be stardust in our hair and fire in our eyes while we hack our way through overgrown trails in our hearts. And when our patience is tested and the answers aren't coming, let us have courage to surrender and be vulnerable. To ask for help. To lean on our people when we need to be reminded where we're headed. To rest when we are weary. Then rise up again when we are willing to move forward. And when the brambles finally clear, May we dance in the moon light while the ocean laps at our feet.
Looking back to look forward this year. Something about tiny abandoned towns makes me feel equal parts uneasy and curious. Uneasy because, you know, ghosts, and curious because how many abandoned towns and cities are out there in the world, where whole lives were lived and lost and now are just memories.
Looking back to look forward this year. Something about tiny abandoned towns makes me feel equal parts uneasy and curious. Uneasy because, you know, ghosts, and curious because how many abandoned towns and cities are out there in the world, where whole lives were lived and lost and now are just memories.
Holidays are upon us friends. My wish for you all is to enjoy the people in your life, in the midst of the chaos that sometimes comes with this season. Play safe, have fun. Love to you from me.
Holidays are upon us friends. My wish for you all is to enjoy the people in your life, in the midst of the chaos that sometimes comes with this season. Play safe, have fun. Love to you from me.
How I feel every time I quietly sneak away from the chaos of children to briefly close my eyes and remember my own name. Them- FOUND YOU!!!!!!!!!!
How I feel every time I quietly sneak away from the chaos of children to briefly close my eyes and remember my own name. Them- FOUND YOU!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not going to lie, sometimes I dread the idea of having a teenage daughter. Mostly because I was a total dick and gave my parents a run for their money. My mom used to always say: "one day you'll have a daughter and she'll be wild just like you." And I used to think "well I'm going to let her be wild and tell her to live life how she wants to and I'll pick her up from parties and let her wear whatever she wants and let her smoke joints in her bedroom" And now I'm questioning my own ideas. But you guys, I do have hope. Because I keep meeting all these amazing teenage girls who are well spoken and kind hearted and passionate. And anyway rotten teenagers are just another stigma we should try to squash out. ✌
I'm not going to lie, sometimes I dread the idea of having a teenage daughter. Mostly because I was a total dick and gave my parents a run for their money. My mom used to always say: "one day you'll have a daughter and she'll be wild just like you." And I used to think "well I'm going to let her be wild and tell her to live life how she wants to and I'll pick her up from parties and let her wear whatever she wants and let her smoke joints in her bedroom" And now I'm questioning my own ideas. But you guys, I do have hope. Because I keep meeting all these amazing teenage girls who are well spoken and kind hearted and passionate. And anyway rotten teenagers are just another stigma we should try to squash out. ✌
🌲🌲🌲❄️❄️❄️
🌲🌲🌲❄️❄️❄️
Ladies in the early morning preparing for market. I am awed by women who can carry things on their head. I can't even balance an empty bowl and walk at the same time. A fact they found hysterical to discover. And I found them breathtaking to watch. A balance of grace and strength.
Ladies in the early morning preparing for market. I am awed by women who can carry things on their head. I can't even balance an empty bowl and walk at the same time. A fact they found hysterical to discover. And I found them breathtaking to watch. A balance of grace and strength.
We all have a little light we need to nurture in this weird world. Light bends. It wraps around whatever it is pointed at. It finds its way into nooks and crannies. It's a little bit magical how just a tiny light can illuminate a room.
We all have a little light we need to nurture in this weird world. Light bends. It wraps around whatever it is pointed at. It finds its way into nooks and crannies. It's a little bit magical how just a tiny light can illuminate a room.